Going through airport security can be the most unpleasant part of traveling by air. Until all the raghead terrorists are put out of action, we can expect the ordeal to continue. There’s no way to avoid it, but there are ways to make it a bit easier and quicker.

1. If you’re slowed down by years or handicapped in any way, whether in a wheelchair or not, get a note from your doctor asking that you be permitted to board early. First, when you get to security check-in, show the note, and you may be permitted to go quickly through a separate, shorter line. Do the same at the check-in desk. It’s especially helpful when you fly Southwest or other no-reserved-seating airline.

A: In most cases, they are. To take advantage of them, you must be ready with your bags packed, passport in hand and ready to head for the port or airport within a few hours’ notice. That means retirees are usually in the best situation to take advantage of them.

Also, you need a sense of what-the-hell adventure, because the cruise with the best last-minute bargain at any moment may be sailing out of Fort Lauderdale to the Bahamas, or from San Diego to the Mexican Riviera. If you’re in that situation, do your homework every day, maybe several times a day. You could find cruises at better than 50% less than advertised retail prices, and/or free upgrades of lower-deck cabins to balcony suites.

I'd do ANYTHING to avoid making my cat fly in baggage!

(Circus animal trainer, 1940s)