Southwest is one of our favorite airlines. In addition to its great ability to get to destinations on time at somewhat reasonable prices, Southwest crew members are the best stand-up comedians in the air. Here are several examples we heard on recent flights:

This is Betty, your flight attendant, with a message to our women passengers. We have a full flight, so we can’t change your seat if the man in the next seat is bothering you. However, if he’s young, rich and good-looking, I’ll be glad to exchange my seat with yours. On a night flight: Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and the cabin lights will be dimmed. You’ll be surprised how the person in the next seat will now appear much more attractive.

Weather in Los Angeles is 72 degrees, with some broken clouds over the airport. We called ahead and the clouds will be repaired before we get there.

Southwest wants you to know that we hire and train flight attendants to be attractive, cheerful, helpful and cooperative. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!

The pilot’s voice: "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. Wild dancing in the aisles begins immediately."

For those on the left side of the aircraft, you have a beautiful view of the New York City skyline. For those on the right side of the plane, you have a beautiful view of the rears of those looking at the New York City skyline.

As the plane landed and was screeching to a stop, an angry voice and sounds of horses clomping and neighing came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, horsies Damn it, you old nags, I said whoa!"