Humor in the Air: These Will Give You a Flying Yuk Print

Southwest is our favorite airline, and probably the only one still flying without being chased by bankruptcy lawyers. In addition to its great ability to get to destinations on time at somewhat reasonable prices, its crew members are the best stand-up comedians in the air. Here are several examples we heard on recent trips:

Clown pilot


Ladies, this is your flight attendant. We have a full flight, so we can’t change your seat if the man in the next seat is bothering you. However, if he’s young, rich and good-looking, I’ll be glad to exchange my seat with yours.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and the cabin lights will be dimmed. You’ll be surprised that the person in the next seat will now appear much more attractive.

Weather in Los Angeles is 72 degrees, with some broken clouds over the airport. But we called ahead and the clouds’ll be repaired before we get there.

Southwest wants you to know that we hire and train our flight attendants to be the most cheerful, helpful and cooperative of any airline. Unfortunately, none of that kind is on this flight!

The pilot’s voice: "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. Naked dancing in the aisles begins immediately."

For those on the left side of the aircraft, you have a beautiful view of the New York City skyline. For those on the right side of the plane, you have a beautiful view of the backs of the heads of those looking at the New York City skyline.

Thank you for flying Southwest. Be sure to check schedules for future flights, because you don’t want to miss our annual mile high orgy in the sky celebration.

As the plane landed and was screeching to a stop, an angry voice and the sounds of horses clomping and neighing came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, horsey! Damn it, you old nag, I said whoa!"